Life isn't perfect
by dhismyloverboy
Summary: What if the Walsh's moved to Beverly Hills for a different reason? What if that reason was Brenda? What if the gang found out? How would they react? Why not find out? AU; D&B orientated; Rated M for topics that will be discussed and maybe some sexual intercourse along with language
1. Chapter 1

Brenda Walsh has always been known as the girl with no struggles. With the perfect life, the perfect parents, the perfect boyfriend, no problems. Nobody really knows her story because nobody cares to ask. Nobody knows the real reason why they moved to Beverly Hills, not even her boyfriend, Dylan. She keeps the perfect facade up around all of her friends but when she's alone that's when it hits her, every struggle she has ever had to deal with comes to the surface.

"A pack of cigarettes, please," Brenda quietly requests, ashamed of herself, but she can't fight the urge. She grabs it quickly, rushing outside in the back alley she lights one up.

She inhales it and exhales it slowly, sighing in relief. It's not the real deal of what she's looking for but it'll have to do. She squeezes her eyes shut and finishes the cigarette when a figure comes down the alley. Dylan. He sees her with the cigarette and looks at her with confusion.

"Brenda?" He asks slowly.

"Dylan? Oh hi!" She says sniffling as she puts out the cigarette discreetly. "W-What are you doing here? It's late, are you okay?"

"Why are you smoking?" Dylan asks, moving to stand in front of her.

"Smoking?" She tries to play it off but she sees he isn't falling for it. "I couldn't fight it anymore Dylan, I had to, the urge was so strong and it kept calling my name."

Brenda broke down in tears and collapses in Dylan's arms and he holds her tight, confused as to what she is talking about. He kissed her head a few times 'shh'ing her and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Before pulling away from her slightly to look at her as he bent down to her level.

"What are you talking about, baby?" Dylan asks looking into her bloodshot eyes.

"Nobody knows the real reason why we moved to Beverly hills," Brenda whispers. "It wasn't because my dad got promoted, it was because of me, I guess now is as good of a time to tell you."

"You can tell me anything Bren," Dylan whispers gently.

"When I was 13, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, my dad became a drunk, he always drank and drank until he passed out or he would take his anger out on Brandon and I. Brandon dealt with it well considering the circumstances, but I didn't. I got my hands on drugs, alcohol, anything that could take away the pain. I became addicted to smoking more than anything else. My mom got better and my dad sobered up but I was still out partying, lying, smoking and drinking. I didn't have the excuse of I'm in pain anymore, so we knew I was addicted, and my drug dealers became my friends and my mom didn't like it so my dad got a job here and we moved. That's why everyone makes a big deal about me drinking. That's the real reason why we are in Beverly Hills. I guess I'm not perfect after all huh?" Brenda tells him, with her eyes on the ground only looking at him once she finished. He was too quiet as he stared at her. "Say something."

"Oh baby," He sighs pulling her into him, one hand around her waist the other behind her head as she cried into his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was ashamed, I didn't want you to think differently of me," Brenda whimpers pulling back. "Please tell me you still love me."

"Bren, of course, I still love you," Dylan says before pulling her in, pressing his lips on her in a slow, hard kiss only pulling away when he is out of breath. "I will always love you, baby."

"I love you too," She cries throwing herself into his arms, the only place where she feels safe. "I haven't smoked for 6 months until today."

"Let me take you home Bren," Dylan cooed softly, comforting her as much as he can knowing exactly what she is going through.

"No," Bren cries out looking at him with an alarmed look, "they'll know I can't go back there take me with you."

"Okay, baby, I'll take you with me," Dylan immediately replies, wanting her to calm down, his heart breaking at how alarmed and scared she is. It breaks his heart seeing her like this. Is this how she feels when he relapses? If so, he never wants to ever again so she doesn't have to go through this. "Let's go, I've got you."

"I'm sorry, I didn't tell you, I trust you I do, it's just something I've been so ashamed of sharing with anyone, the only people who know here is my parents, Brandon and now you," Brenda apologizes looking up into Dylan's eyes, stopping them. "I trust you more than anyone else."

"I know, babe we'll talk when we get to my house okay?" Dylan says softly. "Calm down, I hate seeing you worked up like this."

"Okay," Brenda sighs, walking with him to his car.

"Did you think I would judge you, Bren?" Dylan asks with hurt in his voice. "After everything, you'd think I'd judge you?"

"No, Dylan, I just didn't think you'd want me anymore, a-and this was my new start I didn't want to bring it up, I didn't know how to," Brenda cries reaching for him and he jerks away from her.

"How?! Brenda, I went through the same thing, and instead of making me feel like I was by myself, you could've told me, that would've helped me, to know there was somebody I trust goes through the same thing, dammit Bren," Dylan says running his hands through his hair, turning away from her.

"I'm sorry! I am, baby, you have to believe me, I was so ashamed of myself, I still am, you always saw me as your saving grace and I didn't want to ruin that image with this side of me, you were always so proud of me I didn't want to disappoint you," Brenda sobs. "Please don't be me, Dylan, I need you right now."

Dylan hears her crying and he spins around his face softening, "Oh Brenda, I'm not mad at you, I understand I just wish I'd known so I could have helped you."

Dylan takes her into his arms, holding her against him, allowing her to let out all the pain and let him take some away.

"I've dealt with this by myself since I got here, it's like my parents think that I'm all better because I'm not in Minnesota," She cries into his chest, clutching his t-shirt in his hands.

"Well, you've got me, baby," Dylan murmurs pressing a kiss to her head. "Always."

Dylan waited for her to fall asleep before he calls her parents to let them know what is going on, "Hey Cindy, it's Dylan, I'm calling to let you know that Bren is with me sleeping, I'd like to talk to you and Jim about her, if that's okay, it's important."

"Oh, okay honey thanks for calling, is everything okay?" Cindy asks concern leaking through her voice over the phone.

"No, it's not, but Brenda needs me right now so I have to get back to her, have a nice night," Dylan says almost coldly before hanging up the phone.

Dylan took a deep breath, it angered him the way they treated the situation. Being a still troubled, recovering alcoholic, he knows that all the help and love and support they can get helps. And the way they turn a blind eye to her needs, how she feels so alone around them breaks his heart. Although he doesn't have much experience in the parent department, he knows that they are supposed to be there for you no matter what. This is not being there for her, that's pretending she's perfect, when she's not. Even though, in Dylan's eyes, she's damn near it.

Dylan sighed shaking his head returning to her, crouching down next to her and running a finger through her hair, "I love you Bren, never doubt that."

He walked around the bed and stripped before climbing in, wrapping his arms around his girl he buried his face in her neck and slept through the night. Tomorrow should be interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Brenda woke up earlier than Dylan and is now sitting at the table staring at the pack of cigarettes she bought last night, with the lighter in her hand continuously sparking it. A tear slips down her cheek as she reaches for the pack and grabs one out of the package, only to have it ripped out of her hands by Dylan who removes it from her reach and wrapping her in a hug as she breaks down in tears.

"I've got you," Dylan whispers softly sighing as he squeezes her tightly. "You're okay, baby, you're okay now let's get you home okay?"

"Okay," she whispers, feeling helpless and disappointed in herself, standing up and following Dylan out of the house but not before eyeing the package on the table.

They drive to her house in silence, but it's a comfortable silence. Dylan knows she doesn't want to talk and Brenda is thankful that he knows. But that doesn't stop her from intertwining her fingers with his. She needs him to help her be strong because she can't do that right now. Not by herself.

Dylan walks her up the stairs of her house, opening the door for her and letting her in before he walks in. He waits for her to go upstairs before he joins Cindy and Jim in the living room.

"I know," He says seriously looking at them both. "I know the real reason you guys moved to Beverly Hills but that's not exactly what I wanted to talk about Bren relapsed last night, not so far as finding weed but she did buy a pack of cigarettes, I found her in an alley smoking, that was a shock to my system. But what I felt the most was anger because of why she did it and how scared she was to come home and see you guys, she feels like she has to deal with this alone, she feels like if she was to relapse you'd be disappointed in her, she feels like you think because you moved away from Minnesota that she'd be fine. She has been dealing with this battle for six months by herself, and that angers me. It angers me because I love her and she feels so disconnected from you guys that she can't confide in you, as you know I know what it feels like to be in that situation."

"S-she relapsed?" Cindy asks under her breath shakily, "Oh my baby. I knew she wasn't okay Jim, I told you."

"She'd be fine if it wasn't for him," Jim seethes.

Brenda inconveniently heard the whole thing when she was getting ready and came down the stairs and entered the room, "No dad, I wouldn't be, because I haven't been, he's the one who keeps my spirits up, he's the one who makes me forget how or why I became addicted, and he has never made me do anything. Another reason why I didn't want to tell you and I was afraid to because you would blame it on Dylan and force me to stop seeing the one person who is keeping me sane, a new zip code doesn't change my problems, but don't worry about it, I'll deal with it by myself like I have been for the past six months. Come on Dylan we have school. I'm going to Dylan's after school, don't wait up."

"Brenda!" Jim called out to her.

"No, dad! You alienate me! Blame Dylan for my relapsing, when you had the same problem! I thought you of all people would understand! I mean you got drunk and would take it out on Brandon and I, and then Mom had to sober you up when she should have been in bed resting and you think Dylan is terrible? I see nothing worse than that, dad," Brenda scoffs. "So like I said, don't wait up."

Jim calls out to her again but Brenda just grabs Dylan's hand and pulls him out of the house but as soon as they are she collapses in his arms and breaks down in tears, two years and six months of pain and anguish finally catching up to her.

"I've got you, I'm here," Dylan whispers whispering sweet nothings until they all lose meaning and continues to hold her until she calms down and they get in the car and drive to school.

"I don't want anyone to know," Brenda murmurs only loud enough for Dylan to hear and he nods promising not to tell anyone. Brenda looks in the mirror and fixes her makeup, before turning to Dylan putting on her famous smile. "How do I look?"

"You look beautiful Bren, you are beautiful," Dylan tells her softly leaning over to gently kiss her before getting out.

Dylan knew the difference between her real smile and her fake smile and this was the fakest one yet. It hurt him to know that she always faked being happy for the sake of others. He knew she never told them because she didn't want to burden them with her problems. Or she didn't want to ruin their image of her. He sighed before wrapping his arm around her shoulders guiding her towards their friends.

Brenda went and sat under the tree where she and Dylan always sat and the gang usually surrounded them. Brenda looks over to see Kelly looking at her, "Yes? Is something on my face?"

"No.. something's off with you today, are you okay Bren?" Kelly asks tilting her head.

"Yeah Kel, I'm okay," Brenda lies with her famous smile. "I would tell you if I wasn't."

"Okay, Bren, well I'm going to head to class, hang out later?" Kelly asks getting up and walking off the rest of the gang following her, all besides Dylan and Brenda.

"So what do you want to do after school?" Brenda asks Dylan who has been staring at her with such admiration and love. "Hello?"

"Anything you want Bren, I just want to be with you," Dylan says playfully growling. "In any way, shape or form, preferably on a bed..."

"Ooh and what about clothes? none?" She says playfully leaning in capturing his lips with hers kissing him passionately, giggling in between. 'Come on we have class."

"Class this, class that, that is all I hear, class, class, class," Dylan mocks as Brenda pulls him along laughing.

Dylan kept an eye on Brenda throughout the day, worried about her well-being. He was quite upset that she didn't tell him but he understood why she didn't, it's hard telling the one you love you have problems. But all he wants more than this, more than anything is for her to be okay. He would endanger himself to make sure that she did. She gave everything she had to help him and now it's his turn to return the favor.

Brenda knew she wasn't okay, and she knew that Dylan knew she wasn't. She was glad that he wasn't pushing her to talk about it although she knew he was keeping a closer eye on her today. Not necessarily waiting for her to break but being ultra prepared, in case she did, and she was grateful for that. She loved knowing that he cared, she always knows and he always shows it but it is these moments that she really knows and remembers.

"Hey Bren," Brandon calls out to her catching up to her. "I talked to mom and dad.. you..?"

"Yes I did, problems don't go away by themselves Bran," Brenda says speeding up shaking her head.

"I know and I'm sorry you are going through this, if you need me you know where to find me," Brandon says choosing to stop pushing the conversation, he presses a kiss to her forehead before walking off.

Then Kelly and Donna come and swoop in hooking their arms between hers, Donna speaks, "How about we go to the Peach Pit after school?"

"Sorry Dylan and I were just going to spend the day together, raincheck?" Brenda asks with a guilty smile looking between the two of them.

"Oh come on, you are always with him," Kelly says playfully whining. "Soend the day with your best friends."

"Sorry Kel we already made these plans of sitting in our pj's or.. maybe nothing at all," Brenda says with a naughty smile.

"Ooh you bad, bad girl," Kelly says laughing as they walk into the last class of the day.

The class that they are all in minus Brandon and Andrea, Brenda takes her seat next to Dylan and in front of Kelly and winks at him.

"Today we are going to talk about addictions.."

 _Great_ , Brenda thinks, _just what I need._


End file.
